“Mamihlapinatapai” is the longest and hardest word to be translated in the world. It means a quiet, urgent, and subtle look between the two-people hoping the other person to do something essential to each other but which they do not want to do. At first, I thought it was interesting and suddenly I realized that I have taken this attitude above to feminism, including “Dating Abuse” which has become serious crime these days.
“Dating Abuse.” It was not my business. I knew that increasing women’s social and political influence is necessary to escape from a male dominated society. Making an egalitarian society is a sensitive problem and I did not want to make conflict with others pulling out the problem. Of course, I took such attitude knowing “Dating Abuse” occurs frequently in our neighborhood, that is, I considered it as someone else’s story.
However, “Dating abuse” is my problem. It is women’s and also men’s problem. This can take place to someone we love including ourselves. “Dating Abuse” does not only include physical violence but also sexual, emotional, and financial violence. Serious assault in the news is obviously a matter of course, but giving your lover a psychological pressure is also “Dating Abuse.” Moreover, these are all examples of “Dating Abuse:” keep calling until the lover answers the phone, prevent the lover from going home, curse and swear at the lover, force to have a sex, interfere with the person’s attire, and keep sticking to your lover after separated. Neither visible nor invisible violence can be justified for love under the “Dating Abuse.”
If you love someone, you are curious about all of him or her; whom he or she met, what he or she had for lunch, and whether he or she slept well yesterday or not. You would even want to know all the moments that your lover has not shown in front of you. You would keep calling your lover since you would like to hear the voice or be worried about out of touch of him or her. Since the lover wore light or short clothes in the cold weather, you could interfere with the lover’s attire as well. It is natural that you show much attention to the person, because you love him or her. However, it can only be considered as a joke until the person accepts it as a joke. Likewise, you should affectionate properly toward the person so that the lover does not feel that they are under too much control and surveillance. When love begins to seem an attachment, it is no longer a love. Violence done for love is too harsh for each other.
Finally, you should not just pass by on “Dating Abuse” with the thought that it will not happen to you. If the lovers’ struggles of everyday are done at level considerations above, those can be regarded as “Dating Abuse.” Again, this is a problem that is anything to do with all of the people including you and I and we have to strive to solve this problem altogether. There is no one who deserves to be imposed to this violence.
Ju Su-min minzu0413@naver.com
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